Succession, by definition, is the act of putting things in a sequential arrangement, a following of one thing after another in time. Angst, by definition, is a feeling of deep anxiety or dread. Gray can be perceived as emotionally distant or disconnected/detached. Dark red can represent anger, but in my case, I’m using it to describe anxiety and angst. I don’t feel anger yet that I am about to go through this again.
I am in a weird space right now. I titled this succession because an allo transplant is most likely the next succession in my life in order to live for a longer period. It is not for immediate health, but for long-term health. I feel detached from what is going on. Today at the doctor’s, it was depressing to see other patients doing everything they can to preserve their lives. It was defeating to see a woman with “chemo hair”—hair that is coming in but with that weird, curly texture that I just got rid of. Symbolism: the colors used are explained above.
The foggy background is how I feel because nothing is set in stone yet; there’s no plan. The bench and silhouette represent me, and when it comes down to it, I am alone. I will have support, of course, but no one in my immediate family or friends truly knows what it’s like to go through this again.
The merry-go-round horse is a clear image at first. That’s how I feel I’ve been living. I’ve returned to my life. I help family members, shop, cook dinner, and meet up with friends; the blurry part of the horse represents that all of that will go away again.
What do you give me? I think the carousel horse reminds me that I will get my life back. Also, the woman’s ponytail will remind me that my hair WILL grow back.
Right now, the bench looks lonely, but it also reminds me I can sit and rest, physically and mentally, when I need to. What do you want from me? Assurance that this is just another step in my life’s succession. You got this! Angie