Succession, by definition, is the act of putting things in a sequential arrangement, a following of one thing after another in time. Angst by definition, is a feeling of deep anxiety or dread. Gray can be perceived as emotionally distant or disconnected/detached. Dark red can represent anger, but in my case, I’m using it to describe anxiety and angst. I don’t feel anger yet that I am about to go through this again.
I am in a weird space right now. I titled this succession because an allo transplant is most likely the next succession in my life in order to live for a longer period. It is not to be healthy in the immediate future but for long-term health. I feel detached from what is going on. Today at the doctor’s, it was depressing seeing other patients there doing everything to preserve their lives. It was defeating to see a woman with “chemo hair”—hair that is coming in but that weird, curly texture that I just got rid of. Symbolism: the colors used are explained above.
The foggy background is how I feel because nothing is set in stone yet; there’s no plan. The bench and silhouette represent me, and when it comes down to it, I am alone. I will have support, of course, but no one in my immediate family and friends truly knows what it is to go through this again. The merry-go-round horse initially is a clear image. That’s how I feel I’ve been living. I’ve returned to my life. I help family members, shop, cook dinner, and meet up with friends; the blurry part of the horse represents that all of that is going to go away again. What do you give me? I think the carousel horse is a reminder that I will get my life back. Also, the woman’s ponytail will remind me that my hair WILL grow back. Right now, the bench looks lonely, but it is also a reminder that I can sit and rest both physically and mentally when I need to. What do you want from me? Assurance that this is just another step in the succession of my life. You got this! Angie